Coming back to life.

I was having a quick chat with my close friend on WhatsApp. Yah, unfortunately that is where we get together because we don’t have the luxury to see each other in school every second day anymore.. but then, if I look back – we weren’t really close when we met each other 5 days of the week. It was only after going separate ways for a few years that we got close. How strange.

Anyway.

She was encouraging me to do something that I have barely even thought about, not even dreamt about – because 1) I underestimate myself, 2) I am directionless, 3) I like being lost

But I have aspirations close to what she suggested and I have vague dreams about seeing myself doing something like that. She also shared a very nice video on the Law of Attraction. Now I am a big believer in that since more than an year now and that is how I brought a lot of changes in my life. But a few months back,  I deviated from the track and got lost again.

Off late though, I have noticed how I am getting to see, read, come across all the things that I seriously need to inculcate. It’s like the universe helping me out because – trust me, what you seek is seeking you. And I have been seeking help – if not out loud but deep within, talking to myself, looking for answers, looking for a way – a hint, a sign, a direction to walk into.

And I feel…..I kind of see a light….

Exactly how I did, last year.

The hazy scene is sort of taking a shape of an idea that will come into a life form soon.

Thanks, friend.

Oh, in other news, this one’s finally getting over. Phew! What a long read it was. One word – BORING. No depth in the story.. just sex. But I can’t leave a book half-read. Obviously. So yeah, it’s almost over and I have a few lined up to read & this time, I will be quicker. Because as someone said, there are too many nice books out there to waste your time on trashy ones.

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Unsafe.

khan

 

Most of the times when we get hurt, we shut off. No way will the world get to know I am hurt. Not because I am strong..but because I am so weak to accept that someone has the power to hurt me, to pinch me, to unintentionally or intentionally hurt my fragile, over sensitive heart.

I say – never give that power to someone. But then, we get close to people. Closer to a few… and closest to one. These are the ones who are most probable to meet that part of you that you hide so well from the world.

“Are you ok?”

“I am fine.”

These people would know you’re not fine. And I still don’t know if that’s a blessing.

For I am a little too arrogant to accept that anyone in the world has the power to hurt me. I am still closed, I am still not ready to accept that love is unconditional. I am still cynical. I am still protecting myself.

But afraid I am fuckin unsafe now.