That strange feeling

You don’t fall in love one day. You keep on falling, throughout your life together, as days pass, as you grow, as you get to know each other better.

I told him I had fallen for him, a few months ago. I hardly knew him then the way I do now, neither did he. We just had a feeling that this is it. That this person is the one.

I keep saying random I love yous as I feel it.

And in March this year we got engaged.

But just a few days ago, I was doing something in the kitchen… a song playing in the background, mindlessly chopping the veggies… and I felt something strong and strange, all of a sudden. I felt I was in love. Like really, really in love. Even more than the day before.

And I realized that love does not happen one fine day. It does not even come and go; it stays. It’s a feeling that has it’s own mind, moods and days – good and bad, high and low. There is love in indifference, there is love in crankiness, there is love in anger and there is love in lust. There is love in pride, there is love in jealousy, there is love in the separation.

And I know, over the coming years, I will come across these strange feelings again and again – for him. Because I will keep getting to know him better, every day. And he will keep making me believe that I am capable of this thing called love. To love and to be loved. The crux of me.

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Unaffected.

The money situation is funny. I have a shit load of pending edits. I have a few assignments, use one hand’s fingers to count. I am not taking phone calls by prospective clients. Or the “when are you paying the bill?“, calls by the phone company. I feel I have gained a kilo but I am not checking. Actually, I am sure about that! And a close friend recently turned into a hater. I am proudly walking around with a funny haircut. I am not buying any new clothes this winter. I have made a few mistakes this year. I have learnt some lessons the hard way. I have met some selfish fucks.

BUT….

I am not affected. And I am good with that.

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I am living with faith in my heart. I am smiling and that is all that counts. I feel I am in love, with myself and people around. With the ones who admire me, with the ones who dislike me to the core, with the ones who curse me, with the ones who made me smile and now hope I cry….. and with the ones who made me cry and now pray for my smile…